Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
