i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
When did angry sex become our thing?
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Randomize
