he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
