i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
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