My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Randomize
