She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
time to smoke my breakfast
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
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