worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Randomize
