she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
