do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
