super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize
