you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize