I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
