I was born with a shot glass in my hand
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
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