I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
