it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
