Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
He's a Shit stain on my heart
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
