i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
