alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
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