So drunk its hurt
Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Randomize
