so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
