K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
