they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
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