Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Randomize
