DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
