i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
