I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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