we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Randomize
