We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize
