your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
