I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
sick fucks of a feather flock together
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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