watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
It's never too late to be topless.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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