that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
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