This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
