Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
