WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Randomize