I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
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