So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
