I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Randomize
