Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
