I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
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