i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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