And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Randomize
