Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
