What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
