i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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