So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
