cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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