I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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