Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
