4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
