I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
