So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
