Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
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