Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
