My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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