that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
