areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Randomize
