a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
