I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I'm too high and old for this...
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
