why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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