I think I won the penis lottery.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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