Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
