Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(773): View more from Illinois

Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"

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(215): View more from Pennsylvania

Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet

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(510): View more from California

EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!

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(845): View more from New York

Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.

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(860): View more from Connecticut

Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.

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(949): View more from California

I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.

(949): View more from California

In a moving vehicle and other people in the car

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(810): View more from Michigan

Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.

(1-810): View more from Michigan

I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.

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(719): View more from Colorado

Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.

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(318): View more from Louisiana

Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house

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