I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
