I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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