That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Randomize
