i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Randomize
