well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
